Multiple Sclerosis throws a curve in life

I woke up the other day to many thoughts. There was one that stuck out in my mind. You ever think of the what ifs when having a disease you have no control over. I thought to myself what if one nite I go to bed and wake in the morning to not being able to walk. This would mean no more play time with my son. No more evening walks with family and friends. It truely scares me to know this will be my fate in the near future. Im living off this saying these days. "You only live ounce and today im going to live life to the fullest cause you never know what tomorrow will bring". As what my neuro nurse says you have progressed rapidly compared to several patients she has seen. My MS specialist explained to me that its rare to see people with a progressive form of MS. Why? I ask why me? I was healthy active and didnt live a risky lifestyle. But now im unable to hike the mountain trails, raft down the rapids, climb rockwalls, and run after my son. This just blows my mind. A wheelchair as an accesory is the way I have to think. Or ill live in self-pity over living with MS. To combat my issues I have other health problems. I have kidney disease, a leaky valve in my heart and a mass growing at the end of my esophagus. Alot of problems I have cant be taken care of right away cause I have MS. Every test, procedure and surgery has to be planned out just right. So I dont end up in a relapse. Ohh and im no longer on Copaxone. That was a painful pain in the ass. An everyday shot to prevent further issues. Huh I dont think so....The site reactions and the shit you have to live with. I switched to Avonex. Yeah I feel like hell for a day. But the shot doesn't cause site reactions and I dont need it daily. I think this will be just right for me since I have a busy schedule. On another note so glad the weather is staying nice. And im hoping for better days ahead me.

Since being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis

I have been reading up on different types of treatments for Multiple Sclerosis. I also keep an everyday journal of how im managing Multiple Sclerosis. I also include tel tel signs of a flare up and new symptoms. I'm currently on Neurontin and Zanaflex. I was on Copaxone but just recently the doctor decided to switch me to Avonex. Copaxone caused me huge bloody welts and a nasty rash. Plus the daily shots were to much to handle. If MS isn't hard enough to manage to juggle a daily shot just threw a curve in it. I can count on one hand how many flare ups ive had in a lil over a year since my diagnosis. My last flare up the steroids really didn't help. So this flare up my neurologist decided to hold off on the steroids. I have been getting progressively worse. At the beginning of my diagnosis I was just exhausted had muscle spasms and some weakness. These days I would just love to still have the same problems. But I don't and its becoming a lil more scary for me. Currently I have foot drop, severe weakness in both legs, vision problems, and my newest problem is im loosing grip in both hands. My neurologist says im progressing quicker then most MS patients she sees. That also worries me because I want to stay active for as long as I can. I'm unable to work because of this disease. Im unable to live on my own as a result of this disease. I'm unable to raise my son on my own because of this disease. I'm grateful for my mom who is helping with my son. I'm grateful for my boyfriend who has stayed by my side throughout all my problems caused by MS. I'm grateful for my friends who im meeting. I know there are many days where things might go wrong. But i have to remember to hold my head up high and smile. Because in the end you control your destiny.

The Day I Found Out I Had Multiple Sclerosis

January 16, 2009 my life was changed forever. I had went in for a routine outpatient surgery to remove an ovarian cyst. Went home and later in the day the problems begain. First was leg swelling and severe muscle spasms. I called my gyn and he told me to go to the emergency room. My doctor came to see me in the emergency room. He did all the normal routine tests. From there I got a spinal tap, MRI and neurological tests. I got the news that it was Multiple Sclerosis. This is after four years of having problems but my doctors never did any tests to determine if it was Multiple Sclerosis. Im not thankful for this diagnosis. But im happy to have a reason why I was sick for four years and that I wasn't mental.